Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
