I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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