How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
