whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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