Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
