I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
