That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
