I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
