The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
