He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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