I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
