I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
