I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
