she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
