How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
