how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
