I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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