Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I see more hoeing in ur future
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