does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I need water and some morals
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
