Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
