the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
