you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
