I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
