I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
