i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
