I wish I could punch you in the face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
