I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
