Plan B is the new Plan A
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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