If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
