CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
