Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
