yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
