he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
