i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
