Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
