Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I AM VODKA MAN
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
