DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
