I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
