at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
