I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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