my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
