Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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