I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
