So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
