Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
