sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
