Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
