ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
