Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
