Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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