I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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