Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
