she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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