sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
