I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
