he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
