i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
