Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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