the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
